She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Houston, we have a blender
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
