At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
this beer tastes like vomit already
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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