If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
