a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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