It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
