Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
