Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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