I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
