I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
