Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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