He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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