I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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