So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
