There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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