Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
