he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it's like iHOP with fire
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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