I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
