i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
