Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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