Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize