and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
