Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
