time to smoke my breakfast
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize