I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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