I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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