my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize