I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
