I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
