i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
