His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
