I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
