I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So apparently I’m into choking now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
