I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
