I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
