you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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