This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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