I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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