First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
of course. lets lasso hookers.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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