i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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