Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
