Too much gin, very little bucket
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
