Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
