Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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