Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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