chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
