If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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