I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
