I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
