I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
