He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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