wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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