epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
