I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
