rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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