Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
