I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I could fuck to npr.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize