Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
