Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize