I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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