He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
