I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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