you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
