we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
