one two three fourrrrnication!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
