i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
