dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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