apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize