i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you never un-have a 4some
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
