I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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