YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
