Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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