i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
