Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
