Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
