it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize