I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
