both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
