I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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