Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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