a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
