hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
