im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
