You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
