You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
