Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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