Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
