Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
