I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
