stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize